behond the desert

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behond the desert there be light,

behond my heart so full with night.

The sand i see it flows as grain,

It tastes as sweet as heart in pain.

behond i look to salty waves,

to air that wips and blows my bangs.

My soal stands there befor the sea,

and lets Christs light cover me.

he walks with me apon the sand,

and when i need he holds my hand.

out of this dry land i need to go,

surly reaping what i sow.

He leads me though and not around,

his one lost sheep to be found.

HE misses me when I'm away,

He loves me stillalthough I stray.

Oh Lamb of God you are to me,

the salty light that leads to the sea.

The sea i miss,the sea i love,

calling me home to a mansion above.

helga

A friend of mine great in her faith gave me a wonderous compliment the other day. she commented thta the more she had looked apon photos of me on face book, she saw me like the helga paintings done by andrew wyeth. she later commented on how they were a set of paintings done not about the woman herself but apon lights effect on her and how we reflect light for God. how do you all see me as a light for God, or in Gods light. or maybe it is more that i know how my lord sees me and how he looks apon the work i do for him. to him i am perfectly made, more beautiful than any other man will see me,even then my parents saw me at my birth, to my Lord i am white as snow,for jesuses blood has washed me clean.Humans are not so free to look apon people this way, we must try harder everyday to strive to be more like our Lord, to forgive and to love and see everyface as beautiful,not fat or thin or sturn or malformed,we need to stive to see how Gods light is reflected on others. what can we do for them, How can we serve? How often do we only serve those we see his light on. in the bible it says that if we feed or cloth the least of his people it is like feeding or clothing him.Can you imagine Jesus walking up to you on the street and asking for a meal and you turning him down. another friend once taught me about the homeless need for christ. Do we see the naked and lowly in shadow alone, or do we see the sliver of Christ that is wanting us to open the shades and let him fully embrace them. I have to admit i have been in the dark lately,I am somewhere i am not happy and so i have stayed bitter and cold.but my friend here has seen something in me i thought was gone, a sliver of light i should be embracing, and sharing, spredding across the word like a light apon a hill. I may just be a helga, a simple woman, not always in the full light,not a modle or an ideal friend even. but I am a beautiful daughter of christ.and need to be reserected from this tomb i have put myself in, and walk out into the full sun. thankyou my friend theresa.

Marsh was subject to my religious torture the other night by watching paul. he liked the movie, i was disapointed that it didnt show his death. but being that that part isnt actualy in the bible ,i suppose the movie was acurate enough. But it got marsh thinking and he asked how he died, i couldnt remember, so the next morning I got up and looked it up online and wrote him a note about the history. then the Lord lead me to do something strange, i opened the bible to start to answer another question. we argue alot about parenting our kids.and everytime it comes up i bring up that I parent by the bible and i cant teach him how a father should be without it. but the lord did not lead me to a verse on fathering. he lead me to probverbs 31 instead, so i could show marsh who i should be striving better to be. so i left it open and asked him to read it...i am not for sure that he did this, but this i know. Jesus wants him, and it can not be me hindering him anymore when i was originaly to lead him to christ. I know in my heart that marsh is to be like paul. that someday he will be a stronger disiple then he wouldve ever been if he wouldnt have stood against him first. marsh wasnt shown christ by his parents or steps who all say they are christians, and he was taught that christians are mean by a church group hat didnt treat him right as a child. so often we try to do things in our own power instead of bathing in Gods........"but if we are the body,why arent his arms reaching? why arent his hands healing?why arent hiswords teaching? and if we are the body,why arent his feet going ? why is his love not showing them there is a way... A traveler is far away from home, he sheds his coat and quietly sinks in the back row,the weight of their judgemental glances,tells him that his chances are better out on the road....."by-mark hall

so if we ARE the body why ARENT we being the extention of Christ that we are suppose to be. the real church...thats us...not any denomination...us his hands and feet and heart....we are to know his words and use them how he would,and lead the lost with love. i challenge all who read this to have Christs hands from now on,nails and all.

found

found by an old friend,how crazy is that. i have 3 people from high school i have been trying to track down forever,and one just found me. (excuse me for borroring your pic les) I wanted to point lesley out here because she is one of 2 people i ever knew in all my wanderings that i never had to argue with. she had a calm spirit which i hope she still posseses, and i hope i figure out how to acomplish one day. few people take life for what it is, overcome and come out laughing crazily about it...you know that kind of laughing that once they start ,it is contagious, and you get it, and it fills you up....lesley was a friend that spread irriplacable joy. she just found me, so I dont know yet, but i pray that the crulty in life has not taken such a blessed gift from her.I pray she still lives life contagiously.the only thing I found out from her site about her these days is that she has a church....how awsome.I do not think we ever discussed God back then. we were young and talked on foolish subjects like boys and horrible teachers. But destany has called and I hope The LOrd lets us talk on higher ground now.what an opertunity...what a small world. be contagious in His joy

the shell inside

today was another devistating loss. my 10 week ultrasound came up showing just a bit of something in a blank sack and yolk. how precious is life. this was the 5th miscariage i am surviving.I am lucky to have 2 currently healthy kids. although i often wonder why even to get those two here safe i suffered so much. i had 2 nessisary c-sections.I dont understand how everyone else seems to have these easy births.I suppose i am angry...have to be angry with someone...cant be angry with marsh like the last couple ties, he's been so supportive.so my anger is shooting twards the gypsy friend of my past. she didnt even have the time to let me tell her I was pregnant. and i'm not angry with God this time.... somehow I get it on that level....i feel he's all i have of hope.life has been so hard this year. and I need Jesus so much......I called,you hear me, i lost it all, and its more then i can bear, i feel so empty..your strong im wearry, i'm holding on but i feel like given in, but still your with me and evn though i'm walking through the vally of the shaddow,i will hold on tight to his hand that will comfort me.when my hope is gone and ive been wounded in the battle he is all the strenth that i will ever need he will carry me. i know i'm broken, but you alone can bend the sun of mine. your always with me.........

letting go of old friends

sometimes people change, maybe its good for them ,but maybe its bad for you.I have had a friend for years that always reminded me of a gypsy.she never understood how I used the term,thout it was about her cloths,or how she lived out of a backpack always.but it was always more about her free spirit.I was a single mom who kept too tight hold on everything,and was always looking for a way to throw caution to the wind,she was the free bird that needed her feet on the ground.we balanced. but lately that balance has been thrown out of wack,maybe we have both learned what there was to learn from eachother,or maybe things behond our control has ruined those parts of us forever.All I know is this part of my life is closing,and I am comfortable with that.apon leaving I made my friend face her worst fear.and maybe that was crule.but I needed to teach her the one thing she could learn best from me. my stenth to stand up for myself.the friendship has become a burden,my life also has changed,I have found some freedom in being captivatedly captive.I know now why the cadged bird sings. and I am ready finaly for this new chapter in my life to unfold befor me.she on the otherhand has become a reprencentation of things about myself I want to let go of. all my sin and sorrow of being single,why someone should be and remain single, the flaws of the world embracing you. I now want to be the one to exsplore new lands in my well organized backpack,with my free spirited kids. and a man I have far too much compassion for,but it suits me well.in one weekend I have tranformed by letting go into someone joyfilled again.Amen

empty easter

this easter was empty,my son was sick, the town hunt was borring, neither of my kids even wanted to finnish egg huntting here at home,but most of all there was no jesus.How can people have easter with no jesus. I normally fill up on jesus, we read the story and use the reserection eggs, wego to church and i give the kids bibles and christian books, but i couldnt afford them this year,and we dont have a church, and not all who live here belive.I am held captive by that. the empty egg is suppose to represent jesus risen,but instead easter was empty of him. I am lonely here, havent been happy since we moved....dont get me wrong the kids are awsome, me and marsh are doing well, he's even warmed up about God a bit.....but the emptyness is over our life,the cross is but a shadow in my past,it doesnt cling to me ,when I try to hold it it isnt within my grasp.this last week my friend julie visited,I could speak about christ with her, she has risen up with the Lord and overcome so much since I met her. she wasnt close like that when I met her, I tryed to inspire her, and now I see her growth,she is fruit.....but so little I have bore lately. I feel forsaken here,like the whole town shoves emptiness in me,the calm is in my house alone.Where are you Lord when I call out to you,bring me out of this empty loneliness, fill my family again, have us live on the bread of your word.......fill this shell of a creature I have become ...again...

changing waters

This is the image that frames my day on my computer right now,the serenity I seek.I have been trying to learn to glide through this storm i have been in, I have been trying too hard to keep my head above water,and have a strong need now of submerging. a new baptism for my soal who has strayed so far from my God given purpose. I have let my anger and emptyness get the best of me lately,but as I fall onto a new year,a new age I would like to smooth the gap between me and my God given work,I would like to bond my family, and change our worldly ways. I keep going back and looking at this picture of seriene contentment. you see under the see the waves of lifes storms arent so bad, it is a rising and a falling, no termoil, no crash,the amazingly adapt seal who God formed in all its wonder,cruses these eb and flow without worry . he does what God intended for him,he moves how he was desinged,he does not eat like an orca, he does not swim like a tuna, or fly like a gull. he is a seal, he is playful behond imagination,and fearful of not living his life to the fullest, he does not run from the waters his enemys live in, he accepts his fate. he is purely seal...thats it. so I am a child of God. I was given gifts to do his work, and I have been trying to be the orca and the gull. I need to be a fisher of men,but not overtake like a preditor or pick off the surfacers like a gull. I was chosen for hard cases, those on the verge of turning the wrong way....and so many times I have counted those who I have failed, I forget that if they belong to the lord and I am not doing my job he will surely replace me....he wont let them be lost. but what seal sees a fish, so jucy and ready, and swims up and rubs so close it can taste it, then gets scaired to open its mouth and do the real fishing.no seal does that, they would starve. I feel like i am starving.....I have kept my mouth closed and let even those I love most go without the truth in Jesus. Lord let me take my example from the seal,grab the fish,and live contently no matter my fate,grab the fish and bite down and dont let my enemy eat it.and then I will be joyous. the few I have taken the last bite with have been successful,they have many fish taken in themself.but in joy instead of anger I need to romance a few I love to the lord,show them how he made the seas and provides us the shelter of the kelp and the beach to take refuge on with him.His words need to be my bark as I surface,he needs to be the air bubbles from my nostrils as I submerge.

got the waiting for summer blues

waiting for summer is getting to me here in the middle of nowhere.I am sure the kids are ready to escape this house that has held us so well enclosed through the winter, we want gardens and swings and pools and club houses, bicyicles and bathing suits. what is it about summer that makes us want all these things...or is it possibly what we really want is a hundred items that will force us to to take our overweight over white vitamin d deficiant bodys out and bake them for awile in that all so forgin substance they call sunlight. ah the bliss of sun beatten redness i long to be crispy. to smel the flowers,to feel the cool waters. i long for these more then the things.there was something about the beach that was so hard to give up,that maybe i will get back again....the freedom...to get up and say "i am going out today"yes i want the chioce.give me sun,release me from my cave,so i will not be left wanting forever for the warmth

messenger in lost and found

So how does one get found again,how do my hands become his vessles again? I have been looking,searching,but also hiding in shame,even adam and eve hid thier nakedness,and God came looking for them.I hate to admit it but I have many times been the lost lamb,and I force my father to come searching for me,as I am hiding in shame.today I had a realization.I have been trying so hard to get out of this endless sin and finnaly be married,but today I realized how? its not about a ring ,or a ceromony, what about the oath to the Lord, how can marsh commit to me under God,not knowing him. I keep telling him to pray for a job,just to try it. but he won't .how do you lead a rabid animal to water who belives it is the thing that will kill them. what evil am I up against.what is so strong to compell him to run the other way...he is so thrsty.so I want to pray for work and healing for him....but I keep getting this feeling that jesus is the only one that can get to him...and that I just have to give him to God...how lost will he have to get to be found?I just want to shout" I need my lord" I need a man that will lead my family,humble himself in the truth. I need a man who will stand by me ,even in church,even with these christians he doesnt understand.how do I get through,I dont want to scaire him away from the light.I just want him to feel the warmth on his face,and see it in mine.Lord find us.dig through the lost and found,dust me off Jesus,I am still good...use these hands for healing as you promices,bring me back to propesizing lord.we are jewels in the gutters lord,help give me a wise heart,send me a mentor to lead me upward.

damaged vessle

I was listening to this new christian song just a minnit ago and I wrote the words of it in a random part of my bible..."though my heart is torn,I will praise you in this storm" and As I wrote this the next line came on and it said "i lift my eyes up to the hill-where does my help come from..." and as I am still finnishing writing the lyrics I realize I am writing them right where it actualy says that in the bible. how awsome is that....so random but so sure...God is always sure,true,just,pure,and plain awsome. today was valentines day,it was a good day...but have to admit I have been so empty lately...and I really just need to feel full and whole again. I have always had an unshakable joy till now,and I just miss my Lord...and I want to just cry out father dont leave me,as jesus did on the cross,daddy daddy why have you forsaken me. but as always my daddy is teaching me...is this hallow really my hallow, or is it that the man I love so much has become half who I am and he is still empty for the Lord. sure he will now hold my hand and the kids and accept us praying for dinner,but how do I feel full knowing he is lost. how does my daddy feel about a broken pot, how does he mend the faulse ideas someone has placed in us.I want marsh to know the truth....and I want my family to serve the lord again. psalm 121

ringing in my ears

so when has someone waited too long to get married. I feel like I wouldnt even know what to do with a proposal at this point,laugh maybe,or faint in shock. but I can say I find it so detramental to go so long without one. when marsh and I met I was at the point of selling everything and going off as a missionary.and now I have reaked of sin for more then 2 years....I should be ok with it , as the world looks at it we are married.right? but I am not of this world, I belong to my lord Jesus...and I make him smell foul with this sin and it sickens me. we are constantly being repremanded by our heavenly father. and I keep saying we are living wrong,and that is why. in the light of it all I see my Lord and savior working in marsh.everytime I think I was wrong, that he was a bad choice in men.God seems to say he has plans. I wonder could he turn and serve as paul...such an athiest,jesus hater turned awsome follower. and I have asked why God doesnt heal him of his tourrettes syndrom...then I remember paul was left with the thorn in his side...maybe for all those moments he stood against the lord...maybe to remind him. so for 2 years I have had the task of showing a man of the world who is like a child on the interior,so inocent.how religion isnt a dessolute crulety. how not all christians are mean. I have had quite a task,many times having to love as christ...and failing misserably.I regret the place I have fell,I do not feel I have done my lord justace...but he has a greater good to come out of it. so I will try to stop focausing on the ring, and start focusing on him reading the truth,so he understands the reason we need the ring....Lord You have humbled me so much latly

petrified of furniture

the un successful hunt for true furniture has started...so we just bought this 1906 victorian home, and part of us wants to make that authentic in design ,but then there is that longing for cushy comfort you can only find in overstuffed ugliness.but contradicting the two logical paths to furnishing is our love of history and culture. i have serched everything from morroccan couches to gypsy stuf .I have ran across coffin furniture and grow your own sod furniture(which I think is worth anyone serching out jut for giggles) but this long ship hammock was one of the best yet...then people would just know we are norse , now, wouldnt they. so How is christmas like furniture....you are trying to find something that doesnt fit your heart in it, but you are finding stuf that doesnt have anything to do with it, and all your soal wants is to find your herratige, your inheritance from the father heart of God,his son Jesus...but that just wouldnt be cooshy and comfortable enough...so you just keep on serching.its so simple....so what if your nieghbors look at the stable and cross in your life and think you have strang taste in furniture....you have life in you....pass it on....and youll know what christmas was all about...furniture is all about wood,christ was born and laid in wood,simple wood,he grew up with his hands in wood, making furniture everyday,and he died with his hands in wood, and now he trys to penitrate your hearts , but they are stone...even wood turns to stone eventualy,it petrifys....so why are you all so petrified,be the wood,open your hearts,accept that being a christian does make you stand out....show some growth this holiday season....show one person what christ has carved from your heart, and propose what he could do with thiers.if only shopping for furniture was as easy as knowing my savior.

so driving a 24 foot truck over huge bridges and around tight curves at night with two kids in tow is not my cup of tea. i need A hot tub ,massage,phyciatrist and chiropracter after this trip. thank God, and i mean the one and only for actually ariving here.on better notes we can unload all our earthly treasures friday morning.we actualy own the big blue house now....owning a home hopefully is better then buying one.well i could use a nap...so over and out,,,bzzzzzzzzzzzz

sometimes it takes two people with one wing to fly. working together on things is my familys stuggle.we have so much to do right now and although sometimes itworks do divvy up the tasks, othertimes it takes quite a bit of team work.going back to an old joke, how many pollocks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? well the answer was always more then one....but did you ever consider that it makes a task harder by far to do it with others. yesterday marsh and tristan were stuggling to carve a pumpkin together,and me and marsh always struggle to agree on bills and driving. but lately my stuggle has been alowing myself to let others help, and trusting it will be ok if I am not in charge. marsh has said this month I have been a control freak...i have replyed that it is because I feel my whole life is out of my hands...all this moving stuf and trusting others. sometimes you just have to realize there is no way to eat everything on your plate ,let someone share the task .right now I have more on my plate then I do family members...so thats when you need to trust God behond your own wings.

home we hope

here is the house we are buying, it will be keeping our monthly payment the same as renting ,but we need lots of prayre that it will all close ok.though I have been aprehensive about moving to idaho, i do like the idea of my kids playing in a yard not a parkinglot,and hey it will be ours...and that is cool,I can buy neat stuf that wont get broken moving 6 months from now...and I can paint the walls red and take walls down or put in a pool, i can have my gardens how I have always wanted....we will finnaly have storrage space yes! so is it true,can a girl like me learn to be content anywhere? we'll see when the deal go's through.

my children exsploring

on the brink of moving to idaho,we are here looking at houses,we just spent a few days at the beach,i could see my kids enjoy the tidepools.i want my kids to have that since of wonder,there is just something mysterious about the sea. the photo is of a mermaid at weeky watchee park,as an adult you know its just a tailed swim suit....but as a child its magic....i dont want to wait till the magic of the sea is gone in thier eyes to share itwith them. i was looking forward to raising them in my bakery,teaching them a family buisiness,working side by side....but now i need to follow...i geuss like she follows the light. look what the little mermaid did for love. can i make thier lives as magical here? can i learn from paul to be content in anything i do? can i fall in love with this place,a home here? time will tell. till then i feel alone in the sea.

we are what we eat

so this picture is so cute right? or is this a really sick way to promote people to be vegitarians? You know I once was a vegitarian,2 and a half years actualy...I ate all the right protiens and stuf and now I have serious thyroid problems from taking in too much soy....which is not truthfully a perfect food.(either are bugs,see previous post) so in keeping todays post short and sweet...I will inspire you by saying this....some of our great decisions that we do for all the right reasons turn out to be the worst decisions we ever made. and on the other hand(not the one holding the hot dog obviously) some of the worst are the best,like our kids...few people have perfectly timed kids,but our children make us just as much as we look like our dog and we are what we eat.

the insain bin has taken over my life

my insain bin on my desk has become an overfilled mess,along with every other part of my life that is more swamped the loisiana.life is crazy, and trying to move is crazy, and having a family(especialy if it involves a man) is crazy...but the craziness is what makes it all worth wile, right? thats when we have to look back to the instruction book...I have the bible....somepeople claim its old fashioned and doesnt apply to real life...but they have never read the message translation of probvebs. we have 31 days in the longest month and it has 31 chapters...a short way to let God organize your caos for you.....so you may think this is push religion,but I am not even telling anyone to belive....just challenging you to try out the one book,for one month in modern writing,double dog dare you. prople fear change,they fear religion,they fear not being in full control. has anyone else read about the nude rollerblader in portland...I guess some woman rollerblades nude,so they said cover up the genitals so now she rollerblades in a g-string....they even commented on how people werent mad ,just scaired for her safty,how sweet! but why does she go against the grain,why does she do it? to attract attention ,or to feel free in the wind,to tan eavenly? life is caos but is caos a bad thing? what scares you most? maybe you need to exsplore that fear.....and what do you stand against? maybe you need to reserch it and try out the others shoes. back to the bible....my instructionbook to life....it doesnt make me clean my desk or skate fully clothed or even go to church ....it cant make me do anything....in life we are given much advise....sometimes even good advise from crappy sourses. so even if you are against religion,there may be one quote that will lift you out of a hard time....I can say this because I am a collector of quotes...and I have found great ones from confucios,and budda....but I still worship jesus....do ya get it? heres a bit of probverbs 27 in the messege form....take it in and stop judging poeple on their religion,learn from one another.

5 A spoken reprimand is better than approval that's never expressed. 6 The wounds from a lover are worth it; kisses from an enemy do you in. 7 When you've stuffed yourself, you refuse dessert; when you're starved, you could eat a horse. 8 People who won't settle down, wandering hither and yon, are like restless birds, flitting to and fro. 9 Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul. 10 Don't leave your friends or your parents' friends and run home to your family when things get rough;Better a nearby friend than a distant family. 11 Become wise, dear child, and make me happy; then nothing the world throws my way will upset me.

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yum,just went out for mexican with a friend for a buy one get one free meal,I swear there was a bug in my tamalli,again yum....but the question here is really ,why dont americans eat bugs? I mean when I searched for images of eating bugs I didnt get the acedental bug in your food kinda pics, I got only pics of open air markets selling buckets of yummy bugs(and this wonderful snapshot of corse) so again I should be grateful,and I tryed, I gently pushed it aside checked for more and ate the rest of my wonderfull food...who cares if I did digest a anteni or leg...some starving kid wouldve faught me for that carcus I wasted. but I didnt close down someones reasterant so I guess I am still a good person...and who knows if it wouldve been so juicy and yellow like these I may have asked for seconds....so let me inspire you to try something new today.....speaking of bugs there was a small locust on my ceiling this morning,I put it in a jar to amaize my son,children always like bugs better then adults(hence age of photod child above) I wonder if it wouldve been kinder to eat the locust. there are so many things in our world that people consider wrong that neighbors to us consider right. so I ponder on that...how do we need to react to true diversity(hence again action in pic above) do we share a quick fakeing smile,do we honestly vommit...or do we acept the differnce like simba did in the lion king and simply say"hmmm...slimmy but satisfying"

moscow in winter

How does a person gear themself up for snow again when they just got used to wearing a bathingsuit (despite their less then perfect figure) all year long. ok so I will have to invest in a furry tall hat like I am genuinely going to moscow russia,and I will be out making snow look like porposes and sea shells and boats.....wow the town freak of yet another new town. either way this is a pic of a wet day in moscow idaho, please feel free to compair to a wet day in portland oregon....so maybe it will seem the same.but the idea has yet to lift my spirits. marsh told me to have faith today...I am normally the one saying that....I have lived many years on faith alone....so I am going to have faith that about 3000 dollers will fall out of the sky(not in coins,as my mom always says)and that they will aproove our homeloan, and that we will find a house, a backseat for one car so we can sell the other(I want a 4x4 again for all that snow) that the kids and us will have friends,a good church, furniture, safe travel,his job to go well when he transfers, and this all to come about within 60 days.....alot of prayres needed and alot of faith to stretch my own.so what point do I have about insperation today.....that someone without anyfaith can develope enough to instuct me to get some...now thats a miracle...wow lets have some faith together...look at your hands and ask God to use them this week....and see what he can use you for.....go now and inspire someone else

everything is an opertuity to learn

I am using our governments crisis ! does that sound terrible? I am a homeschool mom and my son is starting graphing in math,so what better time for the stocks to be all haywire,the garentee of a change everyday will keep the activity of line graphing interesting. isnt it funny how one persons worst nightmare becomes an oppertunity for another...and the most intriguing part is that both parts learn something.we are all educated from the good and the bad happenings in our lives. what if in everything the gray cloud really was the most fortunate thing that could happen? I mean you never know you could stub your toe and look down to find$100 bill. I am one who belives in fate, destany, karma, divine intervention. I would even go as far as saying my life was based on such odd hapenings. I am a prayer...I ask with full belife that it will happen, and faith that if it doesnt I should be happy it didnt cause it wouldve been terrible. I spend alot of time thanking God for unanswered prayres.but not enough time being gratefull for what I have...so my insperation for you today is to be glad everything thats bad is bad....you are becomming so wise from it all.

the soal inside continuance

To find the soal ,exit your mind and enter into why you exist....who's lifes does your life inadvertantly affect? what could you do to affect theses other soals more or less? what mask are you wearing?and what would it cost you to remove it and be genuine to everyone....what could you gain....ponder....sleep on this.....slowly lift your veil...let the pain in along with the good...let your eyes seep with truth and serenity

to move or not to move

never knew it was so frustrating, to leave it all up to another to aquier a home,I will be honest I want to run in the other dirrection...but idead we are attempting a move to idaho,I thought I would be spending my days on the beach, and so will be honestly disapointed. but what is the right move ? I would stay in tact though off grid yurt living ,eating sprouts and baking bread for the neighbors. but how do you get a determined medieval reinactor to see past his swords ambition....ahh my friends you don't so idaho it is,back to the crew.have you ever been in my shoes? trying to find something possitive about an unintended life change. I have become resilant....I will make a way...but my possitive is being eaten by loan rangers...how do you find your castle in all this mess?while building castles they started from the outside in...so I venture inward, into my soal,into a hole in a hedge to hide.I know my home lies elsewhere, my mansion is being held, but until then what about a house.where should my children run and learn....in search of insperation and still feeling like that lost lama

one out of every 4

the potter makes wonderful things from their clay.I recieved from a distant friend a strange gift yesterday i had put in for her to make me some wine cups,and she willingly traded them for the promice of a homade carrot cake, (a borrowed recipe of my somewhat motherin law.)so she pulls these 4 beautiful glazed creations out of her russack and tells me a bird has crapped in one out by her kiln. I quickly notice the bird crapped in the prettiest one. what a surprize gift,wisconson bird crap,personaly delivered,in some counrtys that would be good luck,so I have thought of it as a possitive thing,not just because I will have the satisfaction of serving people wine in that cup and laughing under my breath(well of corse I will wash it first). But what a wonderful way to think of things as our lord Jesus does,sometimes the prettiest soal he makes as the potter,grows up to be the filthiest. this has reminded me to get back to the possitive things,stop complaining,and laugh.

so "what would Jesus do"( to over do that saying somemore) I belive he would spit clean the cup,thatway the person has been blessed with 2 secret ingedients.but more or less he is continuely cleaning us of worse then bird poo, look at our society, the hate, the greed....what I would give to be simple clay,how bout you?

romans 9;21

wandering further

I am a wanderer ,I am 31 and am about to make my 24th move if I am not mistaken.Now they say that "not all who wander are lost"-tolken( I have seen this quote on a picture of a lama wandering Macha pitchu....I am that lama I suppose)but right now in the mist of this move I am lost,perhaps that is why I feel this overwelming since to write, being lost starts you serching for something, and I have always said my search is for insperation....and so it begins...this continuence of a life well lived to this point.

*me the lama*

I came to this idea of blogging mylife from a blog called freerangeacademy I ran across by mistake,it has this idea to make a list of life acomplishments, which I continued to do at my50.com which was an awsome site to make this list ,a bucket list, and pry into the mind of my marshmellow man. atlast some insperation,other serchers existed, galvinized ,rubberized exsplorers,ready to excead lifes great exspectations amonst all greater agrivation.