lost

when I close my eyes I see this, myself found in a new world, one full of things familiar, the salt air, the glass water,the sand they roll hot into glass orbs and float to distant countrys as treasure.as i close my eyes I can feel the strong winds,hear the gulls and pipers,and turns. By the ocean ,one thing is certain, you are always finding something.I have come to love sea glass,once the sand, then the art, then the art in the sand, it has lived out its cycle. but have I? I feel lost. am I to be like glass of the sea polished to a fine beauty from all that has pressed against me. refined By God, polished by Joy and hatred, and love and loss.will my lord pluck me out of the ocean happy with his find, or simply throw me back to be rolled around somemore.I remember the beauty of all I was, all I belived in as a child, and I so much want to belive that I have become more radient.yet what I feel deep within me at this subtle point in my life is the overwhelming since that I have become lost. I feel my yes is not a yes, and my no is not a no, I fear those things. I want to be sure of what i want and need. but I find my life has simply gone on without me, and i am still running my toes through the sand, stareing out onto the glass still sea, trying to remember what I stood for. I am longing for a change to blow in on he wind, to bring the sea spray over me, IT is like wanting closier, but instead wanting an opening up, a freedom. Lord bring me that joy.Let me be a tresure here for you, let yourlight shine threw me, find me again.