messenger in lost and found

So how does one get found again,how do my hands become his vessles again? I have been looking,searching,but also hiding in shame,even adam and eve hid thier nakedness,and God came looking for them.I hate to admit it but I have many times been the lost lamb,and I force my father to come searching for me,as I am hiding in shame.today I had a realization.I have been trying so hard to get out of this endless sin and finnaly be married,but today I realized how? its not about a ring ,or a ceromony, what about the oath to the Lord, how can marsh commit to me under God,not knowing him. I keep telling him to pray for a job,just to try it. but he won't .how do you lead a rabid animal to water who belives it is the thing that will kill them. what evil am I up against.what is so strong to compell him to run the other way...he is so thrsty.so I want to pray for work and healing for him....but I keep getting this feeling that jesus is the only one that can get to him...and that I just have to give him to God...how lost will he have to get to be found?I just want to shout" I need my lord" I need a man that will lead my family,humble himself in the truth. I need a man who will stand by me ,even in church,even with these christians he doesnt understand.how do I get through,I dont want to scaire him away from the light.I just want him to feel the warmth on his face,and see it in mine.Lord find us.dig through the lost and found,dust me off Jesus,I am still good...use these hands for healing as you promices,bring me back to propesizing lord.we are jewels in the gutters lord,help give me a wise heart,send me a mentor to lead me upward.

damaged vessle

I was listening to this new christian song just a minnit ago and I wrote the words of it in a random part of my bible..."though my heart is torn,I will praise you in this storm" and As I wrote this the next line came on and it said "i lift my eyes up to the hill-where does my help come from..." and as I am still finnishing writing the lyrics I realize I am writing them right where it actualy says that in the bible. how awsome is that....so random but so sure...God is always sure,true,just,pure,and plain awsome. today was valentines day,it was a good day...but have to admit I have been so empty lately...and I really just need to feel full and whole again. I have always had an unshakable joy till now,and I just miss my Lord...and I want to just cry out father dont leave me,as jesus did on the cross,daddy daddy why have you forsaken me. but as always my daddy is teaching me...is this hallow really my hallow, or is it that the man I love so much has become half who I am and he is still empty for the Lord. sure he will now hold my hand and the kids and accept us praying for dinner,but how do I feel full knowing he is lost. how does my daddy feel about a broken pot, how does he mend the faulse ideas someone has placed in us.I want marsh to know the truth....and I want my family to serve the lord again. psalm 121

ringing in my ears

so when has someone waited too long to get married. I feel like I wouldnt even know what to do with a proposal at this point,laugh maybe,or faint in shock. but I can say I find it so detramental to go so long without one. when marsh and I met I was at the point of selling everything and going off as a missionary.and now I have reaked of sin for more then 2 years....I should be ok with it , as the world looks at it we are married.right? but I am not of this world, I belong to my lord Jesus...and I make him smell foul with this sin and it sickens me. we are constantly being repremanded by our heavenly father. and I keep saying we are living wrong,and that is why. in the light of it all I see my Lord and savior working in marsh.everytime I think I was wrong, that he was a bad choice in men.God seems to say he has plans. I wonder could he turn and serve as paul...such an athiest,jesus hater turned awsome follower. and I have asked why God doesnt heal him of his tourrettes syndrom...then I remember paul was left with the thorn in his side...maybe for all those moments he stood against the lord...maybe to remind him. so for 2 years I have had the task of showing a man of the world who is like a child on the interior,so inocent.how religion isnt a dessolute crulety. how not all christians are mean. I have had quite a task,many times having to love as christ...and failing misserably.I regret the place I have fell,I do not feel I have done my lord justace...but he has a greater good to come out of it. so I will try to stop focausing on the ring, and start focusing on him reading the truth,so he understands the reason we need the ring....Lord You have humbled me so much latly