ringing in my ears

so when has someone waited too long to get married. I feel like I wouldnt even know what to do with a proposal at this point,laugh maybe,or faint in shock. but I can say I find it so detramental to go so long without one. when marsh and I met I was at the point of selling everything and going off as a missionary.and now I have reaked of sin for more then 2 years....I should be ok with it , as the world looks at it we are married.right? but I am not of this world, I belong to my lord Jesus...and I make him smell foul with this sin and it sickens me. we are constantly being repremanded by our heavenly father. and I keep saying we are living wrong,and that is why. in the light of it all I see my Lord and savior working in marsh.everytime I think I was wrong, that he was a bad choice in men.God seems to say he has plans. I wonder could he turn and serve as paul...such an athiest,jesus hater turned awsome follower. and I have asked why God doesnt heal him of his tourrettes syndrom...then I remember paul was left with the thorn in his side...maybe for all those moments he stood against the lord...maybe to remind him. so for 2 years I have had the task of showing a man of the world who is like a child on the interior,so inocent.how religion isnt a dessolute crulety. how not all christians are mean. I have had quite a task,many times having to love as christ...and failing misserably.I regret the place I have fell,I do not feel I have done my lord justace...but he has a greater good to come out of it. so I will try to stop focausing on the ring, and start focusing on him reading the truth,so he understands the reason we need the ring....Lord You have humbled me so much latly