changing waters

This is the image that frames my day on my computer right now,the serenity I seek.I have been trying to learn to glide through this storm i have been in, I have been trying too hard to keep my head above water,and have a strong need now of submerging. a new baptism for my soal who has strayed so far from my God given purpose. I have let my anger and emptyness get the best of me lately,but as I fall onto a new year,a new age I would like to smooth the gap between me and my God given work,I would like to bond my family, and change our worldly ways. I keep going back and looking at this picture of seriene contentment. you see under the see the waves of lifes storms arent so bad, it is a rising and a falling, no termoil, no crash,the amazingly adapt seal who God formed in all its wonder,cruses these eb and flow without worry . he does what God intended for him,he moves how he was desinged,he does not eat like an orca, he does not swim like a tuna, or fly like a gull. he is a seal, he is playful behond imagination,and fearful of not living his life to the fullest, he does not run from the waters his enemys live in, he accepts his fate. he is purely seal...thats it. so I am a child of God. I was given gifts to do his work, and I have been trying to be the orca and the gull. I need to be a fisher of men,but not overtake like a preditor or pick off the surfacers like a gull. I was chosen for hard cases, those on the verge of turning the wrong way....and so many times I have counted those who I have failed, I forget that if they belong to the lord and I am not doing my job he will surely replace me....he wont let them be lost. but what seal sees a fish, so jucy and ready, and swims up and rubs so close it can taste it, then gets scaired to open its mouth and do the real fishing.no seal does that, they would starve. I feel like i am starving.....I have kept my mouth closed and let even those I love most go without the truth in Jesus. Lord let me take my example from the seal,grab the fish,and live contently no matter my fate,grab the fish and bite down and dont let my enemy eat it.and then I will be joyous. the few I have taken the last bite with have been successful,they have many fish taken in themself.but in joy instead of anger I need to romance a few I love to the lord,show them how he made the seas and provides us the shelter of the kelp and the beach to take refuge on with him.His words need to be my bark as I surface,he needs to be the air bubbles from my nostrils as I submerge.