the shell inside

today was another devistating loss. my 10 week ultrasound came up showing just a bit of something in a blank sack and yolk. how precious is life. this was the 5th miscariage i am surviving.I am lucky to have 2 currently healthy kids. although i often wonder why even to get those two here safe i suffered so much. i had 2 nessisary c-sections.I dont understand how everyone else seems to have these easy births.I suppose i am angry...have to be angry with someone...cant be angry with marsh like the last couple ties, he's been so supportive.so my anger is shooting twards the gypsy friend of my past. she didnt even have the time to let me tell her I was pregnant. and i'm not angry with God this time.... somehow I get it on that level....i feel he's all i have of hope.life has been so hard this year. and I need Jesus so much......I called,you hear me, i lost it all, and its more then i can bear, i feel so empty..your strong im wearry, i'm holding on but i feel like given in, but still your with me and evn though i'm walking through the vally of the shaddow,i will hold on tight to his hand that will comfort me.when my hope is gone and ive been wounded in the battle he is all the strenth that i will ever need he will carry me. i know i'm broken, but you alone can bend the sun of mine. your always with me.........