greatful enough

I will admit i have been struggling lately with greatfulness. God has taken us out of the bad situation and provided for us as I had great faith he would. But i find my exspectations of him providing were too high, I exspected a wonderful house, where i could hear the ocean ,not the hyway. I exspected a job where i would actually be cooking, I exspected more of everything. What i am forgetting ,is that i forgot to ask for specifics, i thought i would be greatful for anything, and i was wrong about me.....Oh what a hinderance, could this be pride.
There is a story of 10 leppers, jesus heals them all, but only one returns to thank him. I am disapointed in myself, I thought i was like that one, I thought i didnt stuggle with this.
It is so funny How quickly God can turn us in twards his ways. I have to sit now and think, yes i had a home with lots of things,but i had no church home. yes a had a comfortable bed ,but I had no rest . I had abundant fruit trees, but was not producing spiritual fruit. I had a life of sin and loss and lonelyness cause i had been turning a deaf ear to God.And now he has oppened a world of doors to my family and I find myself complaining . This is where i am stuck...if i had asked my God for specifics, would he have taken that as me being selfish, or provided what i asked, maybe my faith isnt as strong as I thought. or maybe i need to learn true greatfulness. and know that what God has for me may not be done yet, and that everything that he has provided will eventualy lead to the better life i wanted,but more then that to the will he has for me. now many of you know i wanted to go be a missionary a few years back,But I am seeing now that through everything else that happened instead, I have learned what i wasnt prepared for yet. I couldnt deal with persecution in my own home, so how would I have delt out there,I fell short and now i am being shown where and how to fix it. sometimes we think we are ready to give everything up for God, but are we really ready to do what he wants , instead of what we want.
so starting now I am going to do two things, work on praying for speciffics, and work on being greatful for all I am given cause its Gods will. And let us all remember that God wants to give us good things,and to satisfy the desires of our heart,but as our father he must disern those things we want that are truely not good for us. it only starts with faith, then there has to be trust, and of corse gratitude.

the power of truth

What has become of real truth in our society, now it is like a leprocy to tell the truth. Honest people ,or even those striving for total honesty have become the minority. When did it become wrong to admit your mistakes, to appologize or feel remorse. everyone is self justified now. But I will tell you I am imperfect. Thats why i am a Christian.Many people belive Christians are hypocrits, and that is true i will omit, hence really we are all hypocrits. Jesus came here not for the people that were OK ,he came for the sick, the Lost and fosaken, the loosers, the robbers, the tax collectors and prostitutes. He came here for me , cause I was a wretch... But as many people who come to him to pray the prayre of jebez, I asked to be honest, And Jesus is the truth so who else to better teach honesty. I normaly would use metephores of me beeing like water, or My god as my rock....but here i am gonna throw another concept out to you... I am this rock, I was very riged, hardened by being unloved, My Lord is the ocean, and we clash like you wouldnt beleave. He trys to hold me tight but I send him back to sea in my stuborn human form, but he comes back and embraces me again, and again , till my heart is worn smooth, He never gives up on me, And hes not going to give up on you either. But dear friends we need to not give up on truth....we need to hold eachother accountable, stop saying it was all my fault, I will say gladly what was my fault, I know my side, but stand up and say what was your fault,honesty feels amazing.....let that water crash up and pull out any want to tell a little lie,even if its to protect, even if the motives are right.....always be honest,always....let your heart of stone fall away and see the truth....not simply my opinion of truth....but the real truth.JESUS WANTS YOU MAN... HE WANTS TO HOLD YOU...NOT JUST CAUSE I TRYED TO GET YOU TO SEE...BUT CAUSE HE LOVED YOU SINCE BEFOR YOU WERE BORN...we are all wrong...but Jesus is always right, cause he was always loving,compassionate, commited.Do you know what they do with sand, they make glass that floats on water. do you know what Jesus does with the bits and peices he breaks off of your hearts of stone...he reforms you to walk on water....he gives you a faith to do anything. You can take a rock, grind it up and blow it out to an orb shape...and you dont see the stone anymore, you see light and beauty....and that is You as an honest vessle of God.
MAY THE SON SHINE DOWN ON YOU,AND MAY YOU BE A NEW CREATION AND REFLECT HIS LIght

following the right path

Following the right path is something everyone stuggles with. For a few years now i have been on the beaten path, forgeting all i know to be true to follow the ways of man. my eyes were filled with images of the world, my ears filled with sounds everyone hears, my mouth with speach everyone speaks. But recently I caught glimps of the path I had forsaken. It was a big risk to take, few had taken it befor, but a master trail carver has carved it, it was extrordinary, and not done in the way of this world, there was a man i reconised walking befor me, a great light shown from him and it illuminated me as I steped onto the path i had strayed from.My Lord was befor me...he was smiling.....for i was returning to his flock again, bouncing along behind him.
I had to take a leap of faith,a leap out of the sinful life that was crushing me. everyone i know who was of the world cursed me,said it would never work, everyone who was of his kingdom cheered me on. And the Lord has provided for us so well, he has healed our cuts and scrapes from the thorns along the wrong path, he has given to us abundance. If you today are standing in sin, and the world looks gray, step into the light of Christ, take a leap out of the sin....follow Jesus. for there is no earthly man worth following, the world will always garenteed let you down, and not live up to your exspectation, it will lie and cheet and act as though it had done nothing wrong to you,the world will blame you, and never commit to you, it will steal the life and the light from you. But you can always come Home, Cause Christ is out serching for you when you stray. God wants his flock to be whole, not a single one lost...return to him, and he will celebrate your arival. only a house built on the Lord can stand

how we look at things

CREATION,that word can stand alone in itself as one of the most amazing things ever done.In our daily life how do we look at creation? I will admit i complain like everyone else,I dont really like bugs or hail,volcanos,or germs, mold or sharks. But everything when looked at from the standpoint of the creator is amazing, even the things i dont like, like polination by bugs,the crystilization of rain into hail,the formation of mountains by building up lava and pressure,the way the blood fights off germs that can harm us,how pennicilan was discovered in mold,or how sharks teeth rotate in. we need to look at life as beautiful always. A friend of mine theresa took this photo of her feet, She has been traeling in the footprints that Jesus walked,Reaping wheat, reaping a deepness her savior is instilling in her heart.And apon looking at her amazing photographs i felt imediate guilt,I look out over wheat feilds daily as brown and ugly, I admit i miss living a more colorful life in many meanings of the world colorful.But Jesus knew how wheat was made right down to its protons and neutrons,he encased it in its bristly hair to protect it from preditors and designed it to flow like waves over the fields. to be a main food of his people,yes he loved us even when he was first inventing wheat. Amazing.yet i take this for granted,even as a baker,a creator myself, I look out and think ugly wheat, Now i can even find sin that needs to be threshed from my soal in that. Now i am not entirely shallow, I notice the wind, Thank God for inventing snot to carry away germs and dust from our bodys,I think feet are beautiful even when they are old and knarled,But i too must learn to look differntly at those things in creation that are beautiful but scairy or misunderstood.Theresa thank you for the pictures, for making me look differntly at wheat,for reminding me to not tread so harshly apon what has been made for us to protect and use wisely. And Lord Thank you for all you have made, I have opened my eyes, and your right, it is Good.

the garentee of change

I have always held a fastionation with old houses, places so run down they are no longer inhabitable.they have a history,but more then that they have held life.You can see life on them when the light passes over them, they have seen the most beautiful sun sets,they have seen the shadows of silver lined stormclouds.The wind has stripped them of thier bark like an old oak tree. yet they still have dignety.
Life is sure to always change,many people say that people dont change, but we do, our soal is a unique fingerprint. but we grow and learn and change. I have changed so i know this to be true.change is inevitable,it longs for us to ride with it , flow in and out with its tide,hurl our way down a mountain and go rushing as a river to the sea....everything always changes,it is a hoop in life, as any other cycle The Good Lord set up.
everyday i look out my window from where i sit in my living space, and i see an old house, it changes color as the light shines from behind it as the sun rises, til the time of day that it shines orange and red in the eavening light. it is my peace in this dessert, this house that cycles with the sun. It is lonely yet it keeps me company. and it reminds me of the beauty in change, I wouldnt want to give up a single monent in its changing colors, nor a single season.
And when I lok apon my family each day I see the seasons, the cycles,all the moments of thier lives, and i do not want to give up even the coldest harshest winter storm, or the hottest summer. the people i love will always be changing, as i change. but it is our commitment to love them through it all that eventualy makes us look at the beauty of them even in the most difficult situations. Afterall a star at a distance is beautiful, but if we look closer we may see a glorious super nova, which may be thier most painful and beautiful moment. The thing that matters is not that they were in pain,or that they changed, but that I was there to see the change, to welcome it, to see the beauty of someones heart and soal growing,that is the life in us, it is an exsplosion, it hurts sometimes, it is powerful, and yet a simple hoop in the eye of the lord.
That old house across from me has not been loved by someone in a long time,But God still paints it, and I still relish in its reflected light. so maybe it still has a life where it is worthy of still standing.still loved, not for what it once was, not for what it could be ,given some paint and nails,and alot of elbow greese. but instead for the Who it is right now.My daughter aydan is 2 and she always points to something and says " who is that" when she wants to know the name of an object. and oneday she looked over at the old house all orange and she said"the orange house makes me happy" and I got that she understood something deeper about life so i simply said" the orange house makes me happy too" How blessed am I to have an orange house , and a happy girl, in my sight.and how blessed i am to watch tristan and marsh changing too. and even get the occational view of my mother ageing.Her crown of wisdom shinning in the sun. so lets all learn to look for the little changes of light ,of life, in our loved ones. I will be there to see them.I have an all season pass. And thank you God for little lost houses, and the miricals they teach us.

different sides of me

There are times in a woman's life when it may seem she is 2 very different people. The woman who was branched of her childhood dreams and the person she has settled into being. That time for me is now. The 2 photos above represent my self in very real(not so crazy) split realitys. the first is the river Li in china, it is calming,the warm glow of paper lanterns, the stillness of the water,the reflection of all the color that has woven its way though my life. And in it lay the real me, the passionate woman dressed in flowing silks,The one with an exotic flower in my hair, the one you dont see in the photo, letting my feet dangle in the cool water,absolutely in love with life and everything it has to offer.

And then there is the sideways look at a cliff and castle in irland,rainy fog moving in to gray the view.longing to run at the cliff and not stop,how far could i run over the edge.(again not in a crazy way)there i am,fallen down in my abrupt running, looking at my home from a crooked angle.It is gray, and cold and stone, secure, safe,closed in ,longing.I am there off to the side, wearing sweatpants,too poor for a drink at the local pub.taken for granted, always forlorn.

So what does this comparison teach us, to let go of the dream ,or not to settle for less.I do not know if there is a way to merge the two.afterall i have let go of childhood dreams, havent I,or maybe they werent dreams, but something to hope for. but I have so much to loose if I go running at the clif,however ,so i hang on. but what i really want is a way to be myself,even under the ruff circomestances. so off to reinventing myself,the magical girls imagination and the well lived ones' way of taking the bad and turning it into a treasure.let me think awile on that

The idea of slowing

I have been serching for a change this last month, something that says I stand apart from where I am. something that will make me more content waiting for so long to be where i want to be in my life. I have felt much like the scean in my favorite movie"the Piano" when the piano gos down in the ocean and later she thinks of herself still tied to it....still in the depths,swaying with the water.She spent a lifetime in her own silence, till she met someone who she wanted to speak for, a man that made her want to live. much of my life i have been as cinderella, or anyother princess, waiting for someone to add color to my life, to bring out the beauty from within. and as I speak it is i in this small town ,which is silent twards me,that has finnaly let go of the rescuer idea. and have realized what i have known all along. that I am the color to be added to others. i have been reading Marlaina de blasi's books(1000 days in tuscany,1000 days in venice) and in her memwars she talks of things like i have always felt, she slows to become part of things,she actualy tastes her food, wraps herself up in the colors in life, and in doing so she changes people.And so I think of differnt women I have met like this. extrordinary women who change how you look at life. I want to be one of those.But then I must embrace the part of me that society these modern days rejects.The anchient part that has came through time wanting to wear flowing skirts and bake breads rich in aromatic rosemary.and here we embrace an idea......slowing down....an idea that alows us to flow with the waves, to play the piano, but to also keep our heads above water. what if we just enjoy the moment, then ejoy the next, then the next. what if we slow down and watch how the light creaps over things, iluminating this part then that part.what if we are like that light, and we learn to be patient and we illuminate the texture of a bright mango as it fills all our sences, what if we watch the trees move till thier branches pass the secret on to the next tree and so on.sometimes good things wash up on our beach and we keep and cherish these treasures, but shouldnt we also treasure the things that are ripped by thewave and washed away, knowing that theyare the treasure someone else recieves. just what if we concentrate on thatchance that if we let go of that speed and that selfish living, that maybe we can achieve being the light to others.whatwould it hurt to stay a few moments longer in line and actualy meet the person waiting with us.what might we see if we looked behond something wewant for our hord and chose instead something to give. what if we took a small amount and set it aside just to see what we could do.I phrase all these questions as statements, because thats how i want you to take them,the what if isnt a fantancy you cant reach, it is a fact that you can acomplish, but its got to be moment by moment, so you need the stops. what if i cound.(stop and alow it in,dont answer, just let it in, to begin, to become)slowly look at the possibilitys. as many of you know i live without a cell phone, i actualy have a phone attached to the wall, I am not old fashioned, i simply reply when people ask , that i do not always want to be found. when I go to the grocery store i want to smell the mellons and look for some new ingrediant to taste, I do not want to talk to you about what your kid did yesterday, it isnt that i dont want to know...it is instead this(let this blow your mind) that as the bible says there is a time for everything. and when its time for me to hear about your son, i will be attached to my wall, full attention on your voice. some people say it is for safty, the cell, well i read something on wasp spay for safty too, and i am sorry but i am not going to spend my precious number of days in fear carring a can of wasp spray. I am a mom, i do wory, my son gos out with a walky talkie, and so he can say " all is well" and I can say "get your butt home its dark" but as far as real safty I have My GOd and he is "bigger then the boogie man" as a tomato once said. and so I choose now, freedom, slowness,life,flavor,light patience, moments worth more then gold.....I sway with the currant and if I color anothers world then I smile and continue on my journey, my song of whales, slowly but surely I will cross seas . slowly i can already smell the sea

still afloat

There are times in life when we realize we are not sinking,when we are not really flailing either. times that we float through. we let the bad drift past us,under us the unknown, and we focus on the blue sky, the clouds everchanging.We have been through rough waters,shipwreaked,shaken by the storm.....But.... we are still afloat. and the key is simple joy.A gift from above. Joy takes place wile Gods grace mends us from our stuggles.there is a time to look inward,what had we planned, what was the sideroad we took,where are our battle scars. and did we really loose? Or maybe, just maybe. we simply be...... can you forget about the dangers in the deep, and simply feel the breese against your cheek.can you alow yourself to float without worring which way you will drift with the currant. what in your life is weihing you down? let it go, let it fall to the bottom of the sea, it will keep there like the titanics treasures. it may not have been yours to keep for always.sometimes when we let a dream go that we have not yet reached we hold in bitterness. but we must let that go too. for everything we let go of brings something beter here forth befor us. we hold ourselfs back in life with fears of loss and failure. and i asure you i have endured both . but I am still happy I had the bits and peaces i have had, and i am confident as I drift along in life, that wile i look up, and i leave my troubles in the sea, that I am floating over a million pearls that have formed out of things i have sent to the depths. and in that thought they have become smooth and cool and beautiful and i am no-longer afraid of the past, so I can simply concentrate at looking up, at feeling the wamth if the sun, at smelling the crisp salt air. and sure i can hear the siriens of the deep,but they cant drag me down. for i have learned to float by on faith. have you?

a fairy tale to inspire hope

I will tell you a tale of old and of new, of one who rules but again its of two.

Once apon a time there was a fair maiden, but she was differnt from the others, and so she was set aside. and at the same time there was a young prince ,raised off on a mountain far far away. He was very misunderstood, But very adored by the great king. And so the king had them raised in seperate lands, so that they would grow to be such far opposites that when they would find one another they would at first wrestle around with differences. but the king was anchient and wise, and he made them such so that they would compliment eachother, and between them have everything they needed to survive and trive, though he knew they would not at first understand, and hence take many steps back in order to take one large step forward. But the King he loved them both, and had great Hope and faith that they would triump for he provided them with the availability of his great councel. He wrote a book and sent it to the young maiden to memorize as she grew up, and being that she grew up in the mist of very dark forest, she used the illuminated pages of the book to light her path. The prince on the other hand was raised in the walls of a castle, protected from harm, he went around danger instead of through. The king had given him a gift also to guide him, it was a vow, written on the inside of a ring that didnt even fit his own ring finger, so he wore it on his little finger and at times grew frustrated with such a stupid thoughtless gift and shoved it low in his pocket. The vow said "To her be true the one I especialy created just to Love you, with a powerful Love she will bring, for she knows she is a diamond to this King." rhe prince thought the vow silly to and all his days ignored the king when he wispered great wisdom to him, but instead he surrounded himself with wretches who despised the king and mocked him, some twisting his words others speaking evils the prince thought sounded lovely compaired to the kings strict ways.

in the mean time the princes cherished the book, but never felt she deserved it. she fought through many trials, she learned to be true in word but stuggled with her own actions.but faithfully she read the words again and again and turned away from the darkness, and in so doing her heart became illuminated as the pages, and she remembered the words of the king, and she found great joy even in the darkness.her heart grew to be Gold from the magestys great wisdom. but she was still lonely, and longed for a companion. she met many people the king had also given a book to, but non of them noticed her and she started to feel un worthy.

back in the kingdom the prince was fed up , the king had given books to everyone it seemed but him, all he had was a ring that was useless to him, he tryed to talk to the book people, to join thier clubs ,but he never saw anything illuminated in any of them. he was angry with the king still and perhaps a bit blind to him for not even carring for his own son. but the king had brought out of this pain the ability for the prince to find the fair maiden, for only he would see her heart of Gold,and the king knew that only she would love the prince even if he renounced the wisdom of the king. for she could love him with the kings love, till all the bitterness would melt away.

Then the day came, the princes wanted to talk to the king, so she followed his voice up a mountain, and there amounst the bustling bussiness of the castle and kingdom. was a simple man hiding away from all the silliness. so the lady reached out and touched his arm. and from then on no matter thier differences, they were drawn to one another. for a few years all they did is stuggle. But the king stood back and watched. the prince was not ready to give his heart away,and he had long ago forgotten the vow on the ring lost deep in his pocket. The girl she loved him even though he was not what she had exspected.The king was pleased each time they survived a trial or tribulation, though he could see thier strife, they didnt understand one another. then one day wile serching for a key, the prince found the ring, it still made him feel so uncomfortable, but he felt illuminated next to her and for the firt time since he recived it as a child, he read the vow. but the words still didnt make since, still he wanted to give this girl that was so different something special and though he had much, he felt it wasnt what she wanted. so he handed her the ring, and she took it, but she didnt think she deserved it and so she didnt know what to give him back, all she had wrapped up for him was the old book, she had it all in her heart, every wise word of the king. it was what her heart was made of now. she wished she had a way to tell the price what those words had done in her, but the prince wasnt much for long late conversation.so the pricess slowly gave him the book, and when he opened it he felt something different, hurt and anger from thepast, she was just one of those people, she couldnt understand him. she stood there holding the ring in confusion.what did this gift he gave he mean, for she couldnt read the vow, only the price could . and the price could not see the wisdom, only she could see it. so they turned away from one another, hurt and lonely, so very different that no-one would ever know that they had been set apart for eachother, to make eachother better.The prince needed to learn to make the girl feel special, like the diamond of the king, he had to learn to give up all fear and anger and be true to his princess, and to know she had been made especially for him. He had to use the power of the vow to love her. and the princess had to see why the price didnt want the book, and she had to instead show him how her heart was made up of its pages....for the only reason she had known to love him was that the king loved his son so dearly.but would the prince be brave enough to see she wasnt like the others. would he be willing to make the vow even though she was one of them. would he be able to finnaly see that the king gave them both all they ever needed in his gifts, and if they put thier gifts together they would find all the Love illuminated befor them. The world may never know what happened to this couple. but if you look at the photo of the story I tell, you will see quite well the illumination that they didnt see. how the book and ring complimented eachother to form perfect love.sent to them from a mountain kingdom far above.

with love for marshall not to insult, but to illuminate

lost

when I close my eyes I see this, myself found in a new world, one full of things familiar, the salt air, the glass water,the sand they roll hot into glass orbs and float to distant countrys as treasure.as i close my eyes I can feel the strong winds,hear the gulls and pipers,and turns. By the ocean ,one thing is certain, you are always finding something.I have come to love sea glass,once the sand, then the art, then the art in the sand, it has lived out its cycle. but have I? I feel lost. am I to be like glass of the sea polished to a fine beauty from all that has pressed against me. refined By God, polished by Joy and hatred, and love and loss.will my lord pluck me out of the ocean happy with his find, or simply throw me back to be rolled around somemore.I remember the beauty of all I was, all I belived in as a child, and I so much want to belive that I have become more radient.yet what I feel deep within me at this subtle point in my life is the overwhelming since that I have become lost. I feel my yes is not a yes, and my no is not a no, I fear those things. I want to be sure of what i want and need. but I find my life has simply gone on without me, and i am still running my toes through the sand, stareing out onto the glass still sea, trying to remember what I stood for. I am longing for a change to blow in on he wind, to bring the sea spray over me, IT is like wanting closier, but instead wanting an opening up, a freedom. Lord bring me that joy.Let me be a tresure here for you, let yourlight shine threw me, find me again.

embracing the concept ,till death do we part

what does it all really mean...till death do we part. is it saved for those who are always happy 24/7 , for perfect couples. why does no-one elive in forever anymore,why has love become a selfish thing that melts away like the final snowfall of winter.what about clinging to eachother, standing up for eachother, being strong and well when the other is weak and fieble for a time. there is a time for everything,so says the word of God. a time to embrace our differences? something we often miss in even our own children, that sometimes the thing about someone that no-one quite gets, the thing that is awkward, intrusive,difficult....sometimes those are the special things that make that person strong. so who has the ability to stay, to keep thier word, be compleatly honest, embrace those things we find difficult in the people we love. none of us is strong enough on our own...this is a God thing.loving the parts we like about people is easy, but loving the parts we dont like,forgiving thier faults, staying whenthings get tough and standing up to fight for our forevers...all that muct be helped by God. so here it gos a promice to forever let God help

needing to be carried

How many times in my life has there been only that one famos set of footprints. How deep in the sand must they be uder all those burdans I lay on my Lord, Have you ever seen a movie where a man carries a little girl to safty,she is limp from the ocean or the flames or some sort of injery. but he heroicly brings her back to life. I feel like that little girl.I am cured in my fathers arms. and you know what ,he weeps for me. have you ever thought about Jesus weeping for you, for your pain.He knows he can bring you back, but he hates to see you limp and lifeless,lost from his fold.Lord its hard again,how do I ask for you to once again carry me through this storm. How do I admit that all I ever needed to do was trust you. Look for the old road it says when i flip open my bible.....how often do i look for dirrection in that book by chance. that God will ring forth a verse for me...Lord help me know which way to follow.I know when I grow week and weary Lord, I know I will never hit bottom, I know father you will catch me, I know you will lift me just like when I was a small girl,and you will bring me into the time of my life I am suppose to step into....amen

painting the sea for winter

I have been painting this week, the colors i have chosen are those of the sea, the water the sky, sealions the sunsets.I know God has more for me then what I am now,but I am a lady in waiting, and so when I can control the tears about the sea, I look at the possitive and paint a better life for me. women amounst everyone,feel the slightest twinge of deppression more,maybe it is because we are raised to dream big,with castles and glass slippers, and all. I have always dreamed big, and often my reality fell quite far from my dream. But God blesses us continualy in even the strangest of cercomstance. I once had my christmas tree grow until april,3 inches on each branch as I watered it feably in a yam can tied to an old stump. this year i was blessed with a bright yellow leafed weaping birch wile everyone else in my town had nothing but brown crinkled up frozen leafs.....why do I get these gifts of exstended life,warmth...maybe cause i ave faith that God gives us simple gifts,or maybe because he knows i will take notice and be thankfull.marshall asked me if we had to rake leafs today. and i said i didnt belive in it, God gave me a bright yellow yard when all my neighbors were brown, he provided cover for the animals and a warm blanket for the ground, he knew i would leave enough fruit for the animals and think of him in each gift i prepair for christmas.he even knew when he allowed our house to flood that I would be painting the sea, waiting for my next view of the ocean.

I have been listening to this song called get me through december by natalie macmaster there is something beautiful in waiting.

"how pail is the sky that brings forth the rain ,as the changing of seasons prepairs me again ,for the long bitter nights and the wild winters day,my heart has grown cold , my love stowed away, my heart has grown cold ,my love stowed away.Ive been to the mountain ,left my tracks in the snow,where soals have been lost and the weak and wounded go, ive taken the pain no girl should endure but faith can move mountains ,of that i am sure, faith can move mountains of that i am sure,just get me through december,a promice ill remember, get me through december,so i can start again.
no devine purpose brings fredom from sin,and peices of gilt that must come from within,ive looked for the love that will bring me to rest, feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest, feeding this hunger beating stong in my chest, just get me through december,a promice ill remember,get me through december,so i can start again.
ive been to the mountain ,left my tracks in the snow,where soals have been lost and the weak and wounded go, ive taken the pain no girl should endure,but faith can move mountains of that i am sure,faith can move mountains that i am sure,just get me through december, a promice ill remember,get me through december,so i can start again."

beautiful irish music....funny how these little blessings move me, a tree a song, a color of paint. maybe the little things work cause i know how much my Lord loves me. he sees my heart like no-one else can,not marsh,my kids, my mom,my friends. he sees what i long for, and why.he sees all the pain, all I attempt but fail at. he knows my purpose, and I know all i want is to fullfil that place in the world he made me for, so as I wait, as i listen, as I paint, as I dream of the sea...I am here to share my faith, to inspire anyone i can....I want others to see how christ helps us to paint the sea,or whatever moves you to move for His kingdom.look at the tiny thing someone else wouldnt notice, and lift up praise, for maybe women and men even were meant to dream big, for we are all royalty in the house of the Lord.

why we keep secrets

There is a question i have been wondering about lately? why do people keep secrets? it seems part of us wants to keep somethings to ourselfs, shame(what if they find out....) fear(what will they do to me if they know....) hope (I hope they will love me even if they find out....)

so why are there so many people carring around these horrible packages,bits of themselfs tied up in brown paper packages in stings. A secret traps the person in themselfs. I have had secrets, that hurt me and everyone i interacted with for years....but maybe secrets are a form of a lie, a dishonesty to ourselfs not allowing us to heal. I know people trying to heal, I know people just recently hurt, I know people hurting from so long ago still. but when will christs love open them up, push aside all fear and free them through open sharing. I have loved people that didnt love me, I have had people phisicaly ,emotionaly,and in everyway hurt me, I have been drugged and had years of flashbacks ,and times i couldnot remember, I have been forced and blackmailed to do things, I have lost children ,one the father never even knew about, I have hoped for things that I could never have, I have stolen,cheated ,lied,swore, cured, damed,manipulated, hid in myself,tryed to be crazy, tryed to die, wanted to kill, coveted so much....so many more sins,of mine, of my parents, of friends and enemys,of lovers and strangers...everyones secrets have affected me...they affect my kids, my boyfriend, my relationship with my lord jesus.

but why may i ask cant we all just be real with eachother...be the real church supporting eachother......

I urge you to open up, tell your secrets,let yourselfs heal, let others heal...let your faith in Gods healing grace heal you.....

I can garentee you are not alone,someone else needs to know how you got through what you survived,share............someone else survived what you think you cant,ask for help.....someone else is needing your honesty to change thier life.

we can all exspell demonds.....clean up our soals......be brave...stand in the armor of the lord and nothing else...be exsposed..........be free.....christ gave his life so that you may not have to hide

be open.....let his light shine inside....stop hiding.....let go

winter friendships

living from inside,many of us are not looking forward to all the snow, we already have cold feet when it comes to winter. but luckily there is facebook. i use to think facebook was a waste of time, and i would still say that about alot of the available games and aplications.but after spending a year alone in many aspects it is pleasent to read some of the encoraging things people say to one another. and i find myself not pulled in by those i thought i missed quite as much as a handfull of people i have found offering hope to everyone they encounter...high teck love....and nothing to do with dating online. i am talking about christ's love, shared everyday by these few i speak of. it had intreaged me and inspired me to encorage others instead of gossip. It just proves we can choose our own path and always make it the right and honest one even when the internet gives us so much room to lie and be crule.dont get me wrong i still have to tease my cousins a bit,as family gos for a good laugh from all, and sometimes words fall short from grace when someone else has said something out of sorts to me...but i will keep trying to share the best of the human spirit...the holy part...and i encorage you all to use this gift of fast communication for a possitive winter and holiday season to all....and as we grow closser to the holidays, keep Christ in christmas cause he is the reason for the season.bless you all

behond the desert

.

















behond the desert there be light,

behond my heart so full with night.

The sand i see it flows as grain,

It tastes as sweet as heart in pain.

behond i look to salty waves,

to air that wips and blows my bangs.

My soal stands there befor the sea,

and lets Christs light cover me.

he walks with me apon the sand,

and when i need he holds my hand.

out of this dry land i need to go,

surly reaping what i sow.

He leads me though and not around,

his one lost sheep to be found.

HE misses me when I'm away,

He loves me stillalthough I stray.

Oh Lamb of God you are to me,

the salty light that leads to the sea.

The sea i miss,the sea i love,

calling me home to a mansion above.

helga

A friend of mine great in her faith gave me a wonderous compliment the other day. she commented thta the more she had looked apon photos of me on face book, she saw me like the helga paintings done by andrew wyeth. she later commented on how they were a set of paintings done not about the woman herself but apon lights effect on her and how we reflect light for God. how do you all see me as a light for God, or in Gods light. or maybe it is more that i know how my lord sees me and how he looks apon the work i do for him. to him i am perfectly made, more beautiful than any other man will see me,even then my parents saw me at my birth, to my Lord i am white as snow,for jesuses blood has washed me clean.Humans are not so free to look apon people this way, we must try harder everyday to strive to be more like our Lord, to forgive and to love and see everyface as beautiful,not fat or thin or sturn or malformed,we need to stive to see how Gods light is reflected on others. what can we do for them, How can we serve? How often do we only serve those we see his light on. in the bible it says that if we feed or cloth the least of his people it is like feeding or clothing him.Can you imagine Jesus walking up to you on the street and asking for a meal and you turning him down. another friend once taught me about the homeless need for christ. Do we see the naked and lowly in shadow alone, or do we see the sliver of Christ that is wanting us to open the shades and let him fully embrace them. I have to admit i have been in the dark lately,I am somewhere i am not happy and so i have stayed bitter and cold.but my friend here has seen something in me i thought was gone, a sliver of light i should be embracing, and sharing, spredding across the word like a light apon a hill. I may just be a helga, a simple woman, not always in the full light,not a modle or an ideal friend even. but I am a beautiful daughter of christ.and need to be reserected from this tomb i have put myself in, and walk out into the full sun. thankyou my friend theresa.

Marsh was subject to my religious torture the other night by watching paul. he liked the movie, i was disapointed that it didnt show his death. but being that that part isnt actualy in the bible ,i suppose the movie was acurate enough. But it got marsh thinking and he asked how he died, i couldnt remember, so the next morning I got up and looked it up online and wrote him a note about the history. then the Lord lead me to do something strange, i opened the bible to start to answer another question. we argue alot about parenting our kids.and everytime it comes up i bring up that I parent by the bible and i cant teach him how a father should be without it. but the lord did not lead me to a verse on fathering. he lead me to probverbs 31 instead, so i could show marsh who i should be striving better to be. so i left it open and asked him to read it...i am not for sure that he did this, but this i know. Jesus wants him, and it can not be me hindering him anymore when i was originaly to lead him to christ. I know in my heart that marsh is to be like paul. that someday he will be a stronger disiple then he wouldve ever been if he wouldnt have stood against him first. marsh wasnt shown christ by his parents or steps who all say they are christians, and he was taught that christians are mean by a church group hat didnt treat him right as a child. so often we try to do things in our own power instead of bathing in Gods........"but if we are the body,why arent his arms reaching? why arent his hands healing?why arent hiswords teaching? and if we are the body,why arent his feet going ? why is his love not showing them there is a way... A traveler is far away from home, he sheds his coat and quietly sinks in the back row,the weight of their judgemental glances,tells him that his chances are better out on the road....."by-mark hall

so if we ARE the body why ARENT we being the extention of Christ that we are suppose to be. the real church...thats us...not any denomination...us his hands and feet and heart....we are to know his words and use them how he would,and lead the lost with love. i challenge all who read this to have Christs hands from now on,nails and all.

found

found by an old friend,how crazy is that. i have 3 people from high school i have been trying to track down forever,and one just found me. (excuse me for borroring your pic les) I wanted to point lesley out here because she is one of 2 people i ever knew in all my wanderings that i never had to argue with. she had a calm spirit which i hope she still posseses, and i hope i figure out how to acomplish one day. few people take life for what it is, overcome and come out laughing crazily about it...you know that kind of laughing that once they start ,it is contagious, and you get it, and it fills you up....lesley was a friend that spread irriplacable joy. she just found me, so I dont know yet, but i pray that the crulty in life has not taken such a blessed gift from her.I pray she still lives life contagiously.the only thing I found out from her site about her these days is that she has a church....how awsome.I do not think we ever discussed God back then. we were young and talked on foolish subjects like boys and horrible teachers. But destany has called and I hope The LOrd lets us talk on higher ground now.what an opertunity...what a small world. be contagious in His joy

the shell inside

today was another devistating loss. my 10 week ultrasound came up showing just a bit of something in a blank sack and yolk. how precious is life. this was the 5th miscariage i am surviving.I am lucky to have 2 currently healthy kids. although i often wonder why even to get those two here safe i suffered so much. i had 2 nessisary c-sections.I dont understand how everyone else seems to have these easy births.I suppose i am angry...have to be angry with someone...cant be angry with marsh like the last couple ties, he's been so supportive.so my anger is shooting twards the gypsy friend of my past. she didnt even have the time to let me tell her I was pregnant. and i'm not angry with God this time.... somehow I get it on that level....i feel he's all i have of hope.life has been so hard this year. and I need Jesus so much......I called,you hear me, i lost it all, and its more then i can bear, i feel so empty..your strong im wearry, i'm holding on but i feel like given in, but still your with me and evn though i'm walking through the vally of the shaddow,i will hold on tight to his hand that will comfort me.when my hope is gone and ive been wounded in the battle he is all the strenth that i will ever need he will carry me. i know i'm broken, but you alone can bend the sun of mine. your always with me.........

letting go of old friends

sometimes people change, maybe its good for them ,but maybe its bad for you.I have had a friend for years that always reminded me of a gypsy.she never understood how I used the term,thout it was about her cloths,or how she lived out of a backpack always.but it was always more about her free spirit.I was a single mom who kept too tight hold on everything,and was always looking for a way to throw caution to the wind,she was the free bird that needed her feet on the ground.we balanced. but lately that balance has been thrown out of wack,maybe we have both learned what there was to learn from eachother,or maybe things behond our control has ruined those parts of us forever.All I know is this part of my life is closing,and I am comfortable with that.apon leaving I made my friend face her worst fear.and maybe that was crule.but I needed to teach her the one thing she could learn best from me. my stenth to stand up for myself.the friendship has become a burden,my life also has changed,I have found some freedom in being captivatedly captive.I know now why the cadged bird sings. and I am ready finaly for this new chapter in my life to unfold befor me.she on the otherhand has become a reprencentation of things about myself I want to let go of. all my sin and sorrow of being single,why someone should be and remain single, the flaws of the world embracing you. I now want to be the one to exsplore new lands in my well organized backpack,with my free spirited kids. and a man I have far too much compassion for,but it suits me well.in one weekend I have tranformed by letting go into someone joyfilled again.Amen

empty easter

this easter was empty,my son was sick, the town hunt was borring, neither of my kids even wanted to finnish egg huntting here at home,but most of all there was no jesus.How can people have easter with no jesus. I normally fill up on jesus, we read the story and use the reserection eggs, wego to church and i give the kids bibles and christian books, but i couldnt afford them this year,and we dont have a church, and not all who live here belive.I am held captive by that. the empty egg is suppose to represent jesus risen,but instead easter was empty of him. I am lonely here, havent been happy since we moved....dont get me wrong the kids are awsome, me and marsh are doing well, he's even warmed up about God a bit.....but the emptyness is over our life,the cross is but a shadow in my past,it doesnt cling to me ,when I try to hold it it isnt within my grasp.this last week my friend julie visited,I could speak about christ with her, she has risen up with the Lord and overcome so much since I met her. she wasnt close like that when I met her, I tryed to inspire her, and now I see her growth,she is fruit.....but so little I have bore lately. I feel forsaken here,like the whole town shoves emptiness in me,the calm is in my house alone.Where are you Lord when I call out to you,bring me out of this empty loneliness, fill my family again, have us live on the bread of your word.......fill this shell of a creature I have become ...again...

changing waters

This is the image that frames my day on my computer right now,the serenity I seek.I have been trying to learn to glide through this storm i have been in, I have been trying too hard to keep my head above water,and have a strong need now of submerging. a new baptism for my soal who has strayed so far from my God given purpose. I have let my anger and emptyness get the best of me lately,but as I fall onto a new year,a new age I would like to smooth the gap between me and my God given work,I would like to bond my family, and change our worldly ways. I keep going back and looking at this picture of seriene contentment. you see under the see the waves of lifes storms arent so bad, it is a rising and a falling, no termoil, no crash,the amazingly adapt seal who God formed in all its wonder,cruses these eb and flow without worry . he does what God intended for him,he moves how he was desinged,he does not eat like an orca, he does not swim like a tuna, or fly like a gull. he is a seal, he is playful behond imagination,and fearful of not living his life to the fullest, he does not run from the waters his enemys live in, he accepts his fate. he is purely seal...thats it. so I am a child of God. I was given gifts to do his work, and I have been trying to be the orca and the gull. I need to be a fisher of men,but not overtake like a preditor or pick off the surfacers like a gull. I was chosen for hard cases, those on the verge of turning the wrong way....and so many times I have counted those who I have failed, I forget that if they belong to the lord and I am not doing my job he will surely replace me....he wont let them be lost. but what seal sees a fish, so jucy and ready, and swims up and rubs so close it can taste it, then gets scaired to open its mouth and do the real fishing.no seal does that, they would starve. I feel like i am starving.....I have kept my mouth closed and let even those I love most go without the truth in Jesus. Lord let me take my example from the seal,grab the fish,and live contently no matter my fate,grab the fish and bite down and dont let my enemy eat it.and then I will be joyous. the few I have taken the last bite with have been successful,they have many fish taken in themself.but in joy instead of anger I need to romance a few I love to the lord,show them how he made the seas and provides us the shelter of the kelp and the beach to take refuge on with him.His words need to be my bark as I surface,he needs to be the air bubbles from my nostrils as I submerge.

got the waiting for summer blues

waiting for summer is getting to me here in the middle of nowhere.I am sure the kids are ready to escape this house that has held us so well enclosed through the winter, we want gardens and swings and pools and club houses, bicyicles and bathing suits. what is it about summer that makes us want all these things...or is it possibly what we really want is a hundred items that will force us to to take our overweight over white vitamin d deficiant bodys out and bake them for awile in that all so forgin substance they call sunlight. ah the bliss of sun beatten redness i long to be crispy. to smel the flowers,to feel the cool waters. i long for these more then the things.there was something about the beach that was so hard to give up,that maybe i will get back again....the freedom...to get up and say "i am going out today"yes i want the chioce.give me sun,release me from my cave,so i will not be left wanting forever for the warmth

messenger in lost and found

So how does one get found again,how do my hands become his vessles again? I have been looking,searching,but also hiding in shame,even adam and eve hid thier nakedness,and God came looking for them.I hate to admit it but I have many times been the lost lamb,and I force my father to come searching for me,as I am hiding in shame.today I had a realization.I have been trying so hard to get out of this endless sin and finnaly be married,but today I realized how? its not about a ring ,or a ceromony, what about the oath to the Lord, how can marsh commit to me under God,not knowing him. I keep telling him to pray for a job,just to try it. but he won't .how do you lead a rabid animal to water who belives it is the thing that will kill them. what evil am I up against.what is so strong to compell him to run the other way...he is so thrsty.so I want to pray for work and healing for him....but I keep getting this feeling that jesus is the only one that can get to him...and that I just have to give him to God...how lost will he have to get to be found?I just want to shout" I need my lord" I need a man that will lead my family,humble himself in the truth. I need a man who will stand by me ,even in church,even with these christians he doesnt understand.how do I get through,I dont want to scaire him away from the light.I just want him to feel the warmth on his face,and see it in mine.Lord find us.dig through the lost and found,dust me off Jesus,I am still good...use these hands for healing as you promices,bring me back to propesizing lord.we are jewels in the gutters lord,help give me a wise heart,send me a mentor to lead me upward.

damaged vessle

I was listening to this new christian song just a minnit ago and I wrote the words of it in a random part of my bible..."though my heart is torn,I will praise you in this storm" and As I wrote this the next line came on and it said "i lift my eyes up to the hill-where does my help come from..." and as I am still finnishing writing the lyrics I realize I am writing them right where it actualy says that in the bible. how awsome is that....so random but so sure...God is always sure,true,just,pure,and plain awsome. today was valentines day,it was a good day...but have to admit I have been so empty lately...and I really just need to feel full and whole again. I have always had an unshakable joy till now,and I just miss my Lord...and I want to just cry out father dont leave me,as jesus did on the cross,daddy daddy why have you forsaken me. but as always my daddy is teaching me...is this hallow really my hallow, or is it that the man I love so much has become half who I am and he is still empty for the Lord. sure he will now hold my hand and the kids and accept us praying for dinner,but how do I feel full knowing he is lost. how does my daddy feel about a broken pot, how does he mend the faulse ideas someone has placed in us.I want marsh to know the truth....and I want my family to serve the lord again. psalm 121

ringing in my ears

so when has someone waited too long to get married. I feel like I wouldnt even know what to do with a proposal at this point,laugh maybe,or faint in shock. but I can say I find it so detramental to go so long without one. when marsh and I met I was at the point of selling everything and going off as a missionary.and now I have reaked of sin for more then 2 years....I should be ok with it , as the world looks at it we are married.right? but I am not of this world, I belong to my lord Jesus...and I make him smell foul with this sin and it sickens me. we are constantly being repremanded by our heavenly father. and I keep saying we are living wrong,and that is why. in the light of it all I see my Lord and savior working in marsh.everytime I think I was wrong, that he was a bad choice in men.God seems to say he has plans. I wonder could he turn and serve as paul...such an athiest,jesus hater turned awsome follower. and I have asked why God doesnt heal him of his tourrettes syndrom...then I remember paul was left with the thorn in his side...maybe for all those moments he stood against the lord...maybe to remind him. so for 2 years I have had the task of showing a man of the world who is like a child on the interior,so inocent.how religion isnt a dessolute crulety. how not all christians are mean. I have had quite a task,many times having to love as christ...and failing misserably.I regret the place I have fell,I do not feel I have done my lord justace...but he has a greater good to come out of it. so I will try to stop focausing on the ring, and start focusing on him reading the truth,so he understands the reason we need the ring....Lord You have humbled me so much latly

petrified of furniture

the un successful hunt for true furniture has started...so we just bought this 1906 victorian home, and part of us wants to make that authentic in design ,but then there is that longing for cushy comfort you can only find in overstuffed ugliness.but contradicting the two logical paths to furnishing is our love of history and culture. i have serched everything from morroccan couches to gypsy stuf .I have ran across coffin furniture and grow your own sod furniture(which I think is worth anyone serching out jut for giggles) but this long ship hammock was one of the best yet...then people would just know we are norse , now, wouldnt they. so How is christmas like furniture....you are trying to find something that doesnt fit your heart in it, but you are finding stuf that doesnt have anything to do with it, and all your soal wants is to find your herratige, your inheritance from the father heart of God,his son Jesus...but that just wouldnt be cooshy and comfortable enough...so you just keep on serching.its so simple....so what if your nieghbors look at the stable and cross in your life and think you have strang taste in furniture....you have life in you....pass it on....and youll know what christmas was all about...furniture is all about wood,christ was born and laid in wood,simple wood,he grew up with his hands in wood, making furniture everyday,and he died with his hands in wood, and now he trys to penitrate your hearts , but they are stone...even wood turns to stone eventualy,it petrifys....so why are you all so petrified,be the wood,open your hearts,accept that being a christian does make you stand out....show some growth this holiday season....show one person what christ has carved from your heart, and propose what he could do with thiers.if only shopping for furniture was as easy as knowing my savior.

so driving a 24 foot truck over huge bridges and around tight curves at night with two kids in tow is not my cup of tea. i need A hot tub ,massage,phyciatrist and chiropracter after this trip. thank God, and i mean the one and only for actually ariving here.on better notes we can unload all our earthly treasures friday morning.we actualy own the big blue house now....owning a home hopefully is better then buying one.well i could use a nap...so over and out,,,bzzzzzzzzzzzz

sometimes it takes two people with one wing to fly. working together on things is my familys stuggle.we have so much to do right now and although sometimes itworks do divvy up the tasks, othertimes it takes quite a bit of team work.going back to an old joke, how many pollocks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? well the answer was always more then one....but did you ever consider that it makes a task harder by far to do it with others. yesterday marsh and tristan were stuggling to carve a pumpkin together,and me and marsh always struggle to agree on bills and driving. but lately my stuggle has been alowing myself to let others help, and trusting it will be ok if I am not in charge. marsh has said this month I have been a control freak...i have replyed that it is because I feel my whole life is out of my hands...all this moving stuf and trusting others. sometimes you just have to realize there is no way to eat everything on your plate ,let someone share the task .right now I have more on my plate then I do family members...so thats when you need to trust God behond your own wings.

home we hope

here is the house we are buying, it will be keeping our monthly payment the same as renting ,but we need lots of prayre that it will all close ok.though I have been aprehensive about moving to idaho, i do like the idea of my kids playing in a yard not a parkinglot,and hey it will be ours...and that is cool,I can buy neat stuf that wont get broken moving 6 months from now...and I can paint the walls red and take walls down or put in a pool, i can have my gardens how I have always wanted....we will finnaly have storrage space yes! so is it true,can a girl like me learn to be content anywhere? we'll see when the deal go's through.

my children exsploring

on the brink of moving to idaho,we are here looking at houses,we just spent a few days at the beach,i could see my kids enjoy the tidepools.i want my kids to have that since of wonder,there is just something mysterious about the sea. the photo is of a mermaid at weeky watchee park,as an adult you know its just a tailed swim suit....but as a child its magic....i dont want to wait till the magic of the sea is gone in thier eyes to share itwith them. i was looking forward to raising them in my bakery,teaching them a family buisiness,working side by side....but now i need to follow...i geuss like she follows the light. look what the little mermaid did for love. can i make thier lives as magical here? can i learn from paul to be content in anything i do? can i fall in love with this place,a home here? time will tell. till then i feel alone in the sea.

we are what we eat

so this picture is so cute right? or is this a really sick way to promote people to be vegitarians? You know I once was a vegitarian,2 and a half years actualy...I ate all the right protiens and stuf and now I have serious thyroid problems from taking in too much soy....which is not truthfully a perfect food.(either are bugs,see previous post) so in keeping todays post short and sweet...I will inspire you by saying this....some of our great decisions that we do for all the right reasons turn out to be the worst decisions we ever made. and on the other hand(not the one holding the hot dog obviously) some of the worst are the best,like our kids...few people have perfectly timed kids,but our children make us just as much as we look like our dog and we are what we eat.

the insain bin has taken over my life

my insain bin on my desk has become an overfilled mess,along with every other part of my life that is more swamped the loisiana.life is crazy, and trying to move is crazy, and having a family(especialy if it involves a man) is crazy...but the craziness is what makes it all worth wile, right? thats when we have to look back to the instruction book...I have the bible....somepeople claim its old fashioned and doesnt apply to real life...but they have never read the message translation of probvebs. we have 31 days in the longest month and it has 31 chapters...a short way to let God organize your caos for you.....so you may think this is push religion,but I am not even telling anyone to belive....just challenging you to try out the one book,for one month in modern writing,double dog dare you. prople fear change,they fear religion,they fear not being in full control. has anyone else read about the nude rollerblader in portland...I guess some woman rollerblades nude,so they said cover up the genitals so now she rollerblades in a g-string....they even commented on how people werent mad ,just scaired for her safty,how sweet! but why does she go against the grain,why does she do it? to attract attention ,or to feel free in the wind,to tan eavenly? life is caos but is caos a bad thing? what scares you most? maybe you need to exsplore that fear.....and what do you stand against? maybe you need to reserch it and try out the others shoes. back to the bible....my instructionbook to life....it doesnt make me clean my desk or skate fully clothed or even go to church ....it cant make me do anything....in life we are given much advise....sometimes even good advise from crappy sourses. so even if you are against religion,there may be one quote that will lift you out of a hard time....I can say this because I am a collector of quotes...and I have found great ones from confucios,and budda....but I still worship jesus....do ya get it? heres a bit of probverbs 27 in the messege form....take it in and stop judging poeple on their religion,learn from one another.

5 A spoken reprimand is better than approval that's never expressed. 6 The wounds from a lover are worth it; kisses from an enemy do you in. 7 When you've stuffed yourself, you refuse dessert; when you're starved, you could eat a horse. 8 People who won't settle down, wandering hither and yon, are like restless birds, flitting to and fro. 9 Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul. 10 Don't leave your friends or your parents' friends and run home to your family when things get rough;Better a nearby friend than a distant family. 11 Become wise, dear child, and make me happy; then nothing the world throws my way will upset me.

y
u
m
y
u
m
y
u
m
y
u
m
y
u
m
y
u
m
y
u
m

yum,just went out for mexican with a friend for a buy one get one free meal,I swear there was a bug in my tamalli,again yum....but the question here is really ,why dont americans eat bugs? I mean when I searched for images of eating bugs I didnt get the acedental bug in your food kinda pics, I got only pics of open air markets selling buckets of yummy bugs(and this wonderful snapshot of corse) so again I should be grateful,and I tryed, I gently pushed it aside checked for more and ate the rest of my wonderfull food...who cares if I did digest a anteni or leg...some starving kid wouldve faught me for that carcus I wasted. but I didnt close down someones reasterant so I guess I am still a good person...and who knows if it wouldve been so juicy and yellow like these I may have asked for seconds....so let me inspire you to try something new today.....speaking of bugs there was a small locust on my ceiling this morning,I put it in a jar to amaize my son,children always like bugs better then adults(hence age of photod child above) I wonder if it wouldve been kinder to eat the locust. there are so many things in our world that people consider wrong that neighbors to us consider right. so I ponder on that...how do we need to react to true diversity(hence again action in pic above) do we share a quick fakeing smile,do we honestly vommit...or do we acept the differnce like simba did in the lion king and simply say"hmmm...slimmy but satisfying"

moscow in winter

How does a person gear themself up for snow again when they just got used to wearing a bathingsuit (despite their less then perfect figure) all year long. ok so I will have to invest in a furry tall hat like I am genuinely going to moscow russia,and I will be out making snow look like porposes and sea shells and boats.....wow the town freak of yet another new town. either way this is a pic of a wet day in moscow idaho, please feel free to compair to a wet day in portland oregon....so maybe it will seem the same.but the idea has yet to lift my spirits. marsh told me to have faith today...I am normally the one saying that....I have lived many years on faith alone....so I am going to have faith that about 3000 dollers will fall out of the sky(not in coins,as my mom always says)and that they will aproove our homeloan, and that we will find a house, a backseat for one car so we can sell the other(I want a 4x4 again for all that snow) that the kids and us will have friends,a good church, furniture, safe travel,his job to go well when he transfers, and this all to come about within 60 days.....alot of prayres needed and alot of faith to stretch my own.so what point do I have about insperation today.....that someone without anyfaith can develope enough to instuct me to get some...now thats a miracle...wow lets have some faith together...look at your hands and ask God to use them this week....and see what he can use you for.....go now and inspire someone else

everything is an opertuity to learn

I am using our governments crisis ! does that sound terrible? I am a homeschool mom and my son is starting graphing in math,so what better time for the stocks to be all haywire,the garentee of a change everyday will keep the activity of line graphing interesting. isnt it funny how one persons worst nightmare becomes an oppertunity for another...and the most intriguing part is that both parts learn something.we are all educated from the good and the bad happenings in our lives. what if in everything the gray cloud really was the most fortunate thing that could happen? I mean you never know you could stub your toe and look down to find$100 bill. I am one who belives in fate, destany, karma, divine intervention. I would even go as far as saying my life was based on such odd hapenings. I am a prayer...I ask with full belife that it will happen, and faith that if it doesnt I should be happy it didnt cause it wouldve been terrible. I spend alot of time thanking God for unanswered prayres.but not enough time being gratefull for what I have...so my insperation for you today is to be glad everything thats bad is bad....you are becomming so wise from it all.

the soal inside continuance

To find the soal ,exit your mind and enter into why you exist....who's lifes does your life inadvertantly affect? what could you do to affect theses other soals more or less? what mask are you wearing?and what would it cost you to remove it and be genuine to everyone....what could you gain....ponder....sleep on this.....slowly lift your veil...let the pain in along with the good...let your eyes seep with truth and serenity

to move or not to move

never knew it was so frustrating, to leave it all up to another to aquier a home,I will be honest I want to run in the other dirrection...but idead we are attempting a move to idaho,I thought I would be spending my days on the beach, and so will be honestly disapointed. but what is the right move ? I would stay in tact though off grid yurt living ,eating sprouts and baking bread for the neighbors. but how do you get a determined medieval reinactor to see past his swords ambition....ahh my friends you don't so idaho it is,back to the crew.have you ever been in my shoes? trying to find something possitive about an unintended life change. I have become resilant....I will make a way...but my possitive is being eaten by loan rangers...how do you find your castle in all this mess?while building castles they started from the outside in...so I venture inward, into my soal,into a hole in a hedge to hide.I know my home lies elsewhere, my mansion is being held, but until then what about a house.where should my children run and learn....in search of insperation and still feeling like that lost lama

one out of every 4

the potter makes wonderful things from their clay.I recieved from a distant friend a strange gift yesterday i had put in for her to make me some wine cups,and she willingly traded them for the promice of a homade carrot cake, (a borrowed recipe of my somewhat motherin law.)so she pulls these 4 beautiful glazed creations out of her russack and tells me a bird has crapped in one out by her kiln. I quickly notice the bird crapped in the prettiest one. what a surprize gift,wisconson bird crap,personaly delivered,in some counrtys that would be good luck,so I have thought of it as a possitive thing,not just because I will have the satisfaction of serving people wine in that cup and laughing under my breath(well of corse I will wash it first). But what a wonderful way to think of things as our lord Jesus does,sometimes the prettiest soal he makes as the potter,grows up to be the filthiest. this has reminded me to get back to the possitive things,stop complaining,and laugh.

so "what would Jesus do"( to over do that saying somemore) I belive he would spit clean the cup,thatway the person has been blessed with 2 secret ingedients.but more or less he is continuely cleaning us of worse then bird poo, look at our society, the hate, the greed....what I would give to be simple clay,how bout you?

romans 9;21